I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if only i could text you this smell
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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