My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
