well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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