Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
