It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
