I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
