so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
