I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
