hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm both gender and math confused
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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