Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
