In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize