Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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