So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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