The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
