3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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