You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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