I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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