Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
