i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
