I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
