Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
