He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
