he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
