i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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