plz talk dirty to me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
