The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
