Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ugly people sure do ruin things
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
