he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
