alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
