Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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