Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
