I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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