so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
