She announced her abortion via fbk
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
