i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
