so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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