i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
