i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
is it fun? or sober?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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