Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
