I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
