she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
