If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
