and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
