Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
