Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
