Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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