You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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