Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
