Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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