If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
