I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
