Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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