I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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