the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
