I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i think i just lost a toe
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
