nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
