Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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