I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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