dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
