they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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