What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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