Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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