her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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