you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
