my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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