i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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